A Vapor

James 4:13 Go to now, ye that say, To day or to morrow we will go into such a city, and continue there a year, and buy and sell, and get gain:
James 4:14 Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away.
James 4:15 For that ye ought to say, If the Lord will, we shall live, and do this, or that. (KJV)

I began this blog in 2008.  I was just getting into digital scrapbooking pretty heavily with an online presence.  I wanted a place to display the family pages I was creating.  I took a Project 365 challenge of creating a page a day, hence, the name of my blog.  I was not the only Project 365 blogger, so I added my name to distinguish the difference.

I especially posted here for my mother-in-law, Jeanne Adele Day Schneider.  She loved seeing the photos of her grandchildren and their children, her great grandchildren.

Since March 3, 2003 when I lost my dad I have really come to know what it means in the verses above when it says life is as a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away.....like it was never here.  That's not totally true because the life that vanishes has touched someone else's life, so while they are no longer here, they have not vanished because they live in your memories and your heart.  I am always remembering some of the things that dad said and I quote him.

Then I lost mom on June 29, 2005.  But, really, mom was lost to Alzheimer's several years before she actually passed away.  I would not wish that disease on my worst enemy!  Mom would have been a great Great Grandma.  She was already several years in the throes of Alzheimer's when her first great grandson was born in 2001.  When Jessica visited her in the nursing home with Michael, mom would smile a huge smile at him.

These two losses of the most important people in my life made me realize how soon life can end....even if you are not ready for it to happen.  But, "if the Lord will" (v.15) they would still be living.  My consolation now is knowing that I will see them again.

And life goes on for those who remain.

In 2008 Tim was called to be the pastor of the Hillcrest Baptist Church in Winston Salem, NC.  In 2012 it was discovered that he had melanoma and his first surgery happened on May 12th, 2012.  The melanoma was in a lymph node that they removed behind his right ear.  From there life returned to normal.

In 2013 he discovered a lump in his left cheek.  He went to the doctor and found out that the melanoma was now considered metastatic melanoma because it had spread throughout his body.  That began 4 years of every treatment available, to no avail.  There was one treatment of a combination of 2 different meds that reduced the tumors but never completely removed the cancer.  And eventually the tumors became resistant to the treatment.

The doctor had told Tim that the lumps under his skin would not kill him.  And Tim had said he would be willing to take the pills the rest of his life.  One of the reasons Tim had so many scans was to make sure the cancer never spread to his major organs.  That fear became a reality when the cancer broke through the blood brain barrier.  Radiation did not work.

Five years, almost to the day, Tim underwent brain surgery to remove a golf ball-sized tumor.  It happened on our 41st anniversary, May 8th, 2017.  Three months to the day later he died on August 8th, 2017.  I felt like my life had ended, too.  After the funeral I spent time away from the parsonage with three of our children.  When I was home I spent the nights at Ilene's because I couldn't stay in the parsonage by myself. 

I didn't know who I was or what my role in life was any longer, but I knew I needed to get settled somewhere.  That is when the idea came to me (of the Lord, I am sure) that maybe I could just live with Ilene.  The times that we had spent together had been wonderful and we were so compatible!  I think we needed one another to comfort each other in our losses.  She was more excited than I was, I think, about the idea!

So, in December 2017, upon the approval of the arrangement with her children, I moved as much of my earthly possessions into her house as I could.  And our journey together in widowhood began.  And what a journey it was!  We traveled together.  We shopped together.  We worked puzzles together.  We cooked together.  About the only things we did separately were when we went somewhere with her family or I went to visit my family.  Tim's mom and sister even came and spent the weekend with us.

We shared a lot of memories with one another.  We even discussed if we would ever get married again.  Both of us agreed that we probably would not marry again.  One day this discussion came up again and the Lord prompted me to answer another way.  I said I probably would not get married again ..... unless it were someone "like" Mark who was very faithful in his service to the Lord.  

Quite frankly, I never understood why or how it was that Mark had never married again after his wife died.  I even said as much to Tim and he had agreed.  Well, we all know now why he never married.  It was because the Lord had other plans that included me!  And the rest is history!

Jeanne was really upset at first.  She wanted to know how I could have forgotten her son in such a short amount of time.  I had to assure her that Tim was and always will be in my heart and memories.  It can't be helped.  When you love someone as much as I loved Tim for 46 years that doesn't just go away!

I'm happy to say that everyone, including Jeanne, accepted Mark "into the family."  Jeanne called herself my "forever" mother-in-law!  I loved that and I loved her.  And I believe she loved me, too.  But she sure missed Tim, as we all do....even Mark!  Mark loved his pastor!

Jeanne turned 88 on September 7, 2021.  The last time I saw her was on July 25th at the birthday party of Tim's dad.  I'm so glad that I got family pictures of the 5 of them, Jeanne, Chuck, Jon, Jeff and Jennifer.

On September 25th Jennifer emailed me to let me know her mom had been very sick with a UTI and had been back and forth to the doctor to no avail.  Finally the doctor ordered Jennifer to take her to the ER where they admitted her for 8 days receiving antibiotics for a bad kidney infection.  She was taken from there to a nursing/rehab facility.  She had become so weak that she couldn't walk.  They would not let her go home until she could walk again.

She just kept getting worse.  She wasn't eating and wasn't getting any better.  She ended up in the hospital again on Tuesday, October 5th, with pneumonia and low BP.  They gave her antibiotics and fluids but the infection ravaged her body.  On Monday, October 11th, they moved her from ICU to palliative care.  They were still giving her antibiotics and oxygen.  She died peacefully early Tuesday, October 12th around 2 a.m.

I cried!  About the last thing Jennifer said she said was that she just wanted to die and be with Tim.  She missed him dearly.  He emailed her everyday.  She went on vacation with us a couple of times!  I pray that she is walking those streets of gold and that she has reunited with her son!

I have to say that heaven is looking sweeter all the time!  It will be glorious to see the face of my Savior!  And it will be so wonderful to see my loved ones again!  I am ready for eternity to begin!  But, for now, it is my Father's will that I am still among the living!

It is true that the older you get the faster the years seem to pass.  I really don't want to live to be 90!  I'm ready for the Lord to return!  I feel the time is close at hand, but that hour is only known by the Father!  I'm so thankful that He made a way for us to spend eternity with Him.  And that Way is through His Son, the Lord Jesus Christ, through His sacrificial death on the cross.

Yes, my life, too, shall be as a vapor that vanishes one of these days...I don't know what tomorrow holds for me.  But this I know, "If the Lord will, I will live, and do this or that!"

How about you?  How do you answer the question, "What is your life?"  It will be as a vapor, too.  But what will happen to you after that?  Where will you spend eternity?  Do you know that you are a sinner and that Jesus came to die for sinners?  Have you asked Him to forgive your sins?  Can you trust that He died on the cross in your place so that you could live in heaven with Him forever?  Believe it!  Receive the free gift of salvation today!  Repent of your sins and turn to Christ!  He is the answer to the question!