Changes

Change.  I have always hated change!  I would rather do the same mundane thing (that I don't even necessarily like doing) over and over and over again than to make a change!  I don't know why I am like that.  I just am!  I don't even know if it is a bad thing to be that way.  I guess it depends on what "it" is that would be changed.

Change!  BLECH!  I despise it!

Change.....sometimes change is necessary even though we may not want it or like it.  And sometimes change is good!  Sometimes it is not necessarily good for us but good for someone else.  When I think of the later change, I think immediately of my sweet Tim going to heaven, which was excellent for him......not so seemingly good for us.

Jessica and I were talking today.  Did we not pray with enough faith to believe that God would heal him?  I know there were others from around the world who, I'm sure, prayed with more faith than I did.  Yet, Tim was not healed..........here on earth!  AH!  There you have it!  Our prayers WERE answered!  Just not as we were hoping.  I believe in the power of prayer!  And you can believe that I wanted Tim to be healed HERE!  But I also believe in that appointment that we all are going to keep!  "...it is appointed unto men once to die..." (Hebrews 9:27)  Even Jesus had that appointment (Hebrews 9:28).  So, I don't agree with someone who might say, "Tim died because I didn't have enough faith."  Well, maybe I didn't.  Well, probably I didn't.  But, of all the people who were praying for Tim to be healed here on earth, SOMEONE had to have had enough faith!  But our faith, no matter how great or small, doesn't thwart God's sovereign plan.  I did pray "Thy will be done."  And, I believe it was!

I know, heavenly Father, that "all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to (Your) purpose."  May I see the good You purpose in taking Tim home to heaven, even if the good is not for me personally!  I know You have my back and I place my trust and confidence in You!

Change.  Some of you know about the unexpected change I made last Saturday, with Jessica's help.  It was my idea, not hers!  So unlike me since you know how I feel about change!  I'm still not sure I like this change entirely.  But, at least if I never like it, I can always reverse it!

On Saturday I went from this.....

.....to this.....

Still not sure that I like the color.  But, if I never like it, I can always go back!

Well, today I went from that to this.....

NOW, I think I like it!  Better than straight, anyway!  It is layered and curved around the back instead of cut straight off.  It is quite a bit longer than appears here because of the curl drawing up the length.  Same good thing about getting it cut.....it doesn't have to be forever if I didn't like it!  It will grow back!  But, I'm pretty sure I will keep it like this!  Even if I have to drive all the way to Groveport, Ohio to get it done!  :D  This change was good!

Today marks 3 months that Tim has been gone!  Here is what I wrote in my journal:

"You've been gone from me for 3 months already!  And yet it seems it just happened.  When I look at your picture sitting on my desk, it is as though you should still be here.  I miss you terribly!  I knew it was coming and yet it happened so fast!  I'm glad you didn't suffer for long, and yet, because it happened so quickly, it doesn't seem it happened at all at times, except for the empty place by my side.  Busy-ness takes the empty feeling away for a little while, but it always finds its way back to me!  I miss you so!  I always will!  Love you always!"

Jessica made this post today:

"Dear dad,

It's been 3 months today. I count the Tuesdays; 13 of them. Mom reminded me it was the 8th. We had a good day; cried a little but laughed lots too. Lots of people are taking care of mom. She smiles more each week. We talk about you more and more...don't want anyone to forget how special you were. Who did you talk to today? What did you do? Considering there's no real time in heaven, I wonder if it seems like you just got there? I've thought of tons of things I wish I would have asked you. I miss you tons and love you!"

Elisabeth made this post today:

"Dad, you've been gone exactly 3 months. Not a day goes by that I don't think about you and wonder what you are doing. Not a day goes by that I don't think about your last week here and how I wish it had been different. You felt more pain than we know but you had such peace about what was coming. I'm so thankful for the testimony of Faith and trust you left us. I love You! Until then...."

And that reminds me of this song:

Until Then

(1)  My heart can sing when I pause to remember

A heartache here is but a stepping stone

Along a trail that's winding always upward,

This troubled world is not my final home.

But until then my heart will go on singing,

Until then with joy I'll carry on

Until the day my eyes behold the city,

Until the day God calls me home

.

(2)  The things of earth will dim and lose their value

If we recall they're borrowed for a while;

And things of earth that cause the heart to tremble,

Remembered there will only bring a smile.

But until then my heart will go on singing,

Until then with joy I'll carry on

Until the day my eyes behold the city,

Until the day God calls me home

(3)  This weary world with all its toil and struggle 

May take its toll of misery and strife;

The soul of man is like a waiting falcon; 

When it's released, it's destined for the skies.

But until then my heart will go on singing,

Until then with joy I'll carry on

Until the day my eyes behold the city,

Until the day God calls me home

Yes, I'm thankful God allowed me to borrow Tim for a while!